dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize