I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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