I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
