I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
