Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
