My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
