I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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