covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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