Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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