Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
