pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
