FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hippo gnu deer
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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