his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
