I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
