Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
