My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
