Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
