I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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