do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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