Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
