Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
