no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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