'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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