yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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