um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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