I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
