I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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