Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Even my vagina gasped.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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