no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize