Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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