Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
