I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
