no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
