sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
