Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
