he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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