Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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