Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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