i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
