yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
