after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
