I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
