I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
