is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My bed smells like the plague
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
