This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This is the high leading the old right now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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