apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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