Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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