My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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