i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
