Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Are we still banned from the library?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
