Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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