I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
