Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
