Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
