she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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