so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize