Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
