I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
