Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
