Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
