We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
