her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
