matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
