I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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