she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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