On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if only i could text you this smell
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
