I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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