ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
