Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
